The first Thanksgiving and Christmas after a divorce can be hard for everyone, and especially for children. Old traditions may not fit anymore, schedules change, and kids may feel caught in the middle. Here are some ways to help your children feel safe and loved through the season.
Plan the schedule early and tell your kids. Children handle change better when they know what to expect. Work out with the other parent, as early as you can, where the kids will be and when. Then explain the plan to your kids in simple words, and stick to it as much as possible.
Keep the kids out of the middle. Try not to argue about holiday plans in front of your children, and avoid asking them to choose between parents. Kids should be able to enjoy both homes without feeling guilty.
Keep some old traditions and start a few new ones. Holding on to a favorite tradition, like a special breakfast, a movie night or decorating together, gives kids a sense of continuity. Starting a new tradition that belongs to your new family can make the season feel hopeful instead of sad.
Let your kids talk about their feelings. Your children may feel sad, angry or confused, even while they are having fun. Let them know that all of those feelings are okay. Listen more than you talk.
Take care of yourself, too. If your kids are with the other parent for part of the holiday, plan something for yourself so you are not alone with a quiet house. Spend time with friends, volunteer or do something you enjoy. Kids feel better when they know their parents are okay.
Keep it simple. You do not need to make up for the divorce with expensive gifts. What kids remember most is time, attention and feeling loved.
Reach out for support. Talking with friends, family, a counselor or a support group can help you through the season. JustDivorced.com, the community that created this foundation, was built to support people going through divorce.
The first holidays after a divorce are a new beginning. With patience and a plan, they can still be full of warmth for you and your kids.